Understanding Relationships Through Terry Real’s “US”
A Guide to Building Stronger Connections with Relational Life Therapy (RLT)
In the world of relationship counseling and therapy, Terry Real has long been a leading figure, bringing a unique perspective to the challenges couples face. His latest book, US: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship, continues to push the boundaries of how we think about love, connection, and intimacy. As the founder of the Relational Life Institute (RLI) and the creator of Relational Life Therapy (RLT), Terry Real has spent decades honing his approach to couples therapy and relationship dynamics. In US, Real distills his vast knowledge into a practical and insightful guide that encourages couples to move beyond individualistic thinking and embrace a deeper, more collaborative way of connecting.
Who is Terry Real?
Terry Real is a well-respected psychotherapist, author, and relationship expert. His innovative approach to therapy focuses on emotional health, honest communication, and mutual respect. Real is particularly recognized for his work with men’s mental health, addressing how societal expectations impact men’s emotional well-being and their relationships with others. Through his books, including The New Rules of Marriage and I Don’t Want to Talk About It, Real has brought attention to the emotional struggles many face in intimate relationships, especially the way men’s emotions are often overlooked or suppressed.
Real’s approach to therapy, known as Relational Life Therapy (RLT), has helped countless couples create stronger, healthier relationships. By blending traditional psychotherapy with actionable, direct techniques, RLT focuses on identifying emotional blocks, understanding patterns of behavior, and addressing power imbalances within relationships. This approach is central to his latest book, US, where he shifts the focus from individual needs and behaviors to the relationship itself.
What is Relational Life Therapy (RLT)?
Relational Life Therapy (RLT) is a dynamic and practical approach to couples therapy that focuses on emotional honesty, accountability, and mutual growth. Rather than focusing solely on individual behaviors, RLT helps partners examine the relational patterns that keep them stuck — and teaches them how to build a more collaborative, connected dynamic.
RLT is central to Real’s work, including his latest book, US: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship, where he encourages couples to shift from a “me vs. you” mindset to a shared sense of “us.” Learn more about Relational Life Therapy for couples.
US: Getting Past You and Me
In US, Terry Real builds upon the principles of Relational Life Therapy to explore how couples can transcend their individualistic tendencies and create a deeper, more loving connection. The title itself speaks to the essence of the book: moving from "you and me" (the individualistic approach) to "US" (a shared, collaborative relationship). Real invites readers to shift their focus from what each partner can do for themselves to what they can do together to enhance the bond they share.
The book encourages couples to:
Recognize and address the “I” perspective: Too often, we view relationships through the lens of what we can get out of them or how they serve our own needs. US challenges this mindset by encouraging a more collective view—one that is rooted in mutual care and support.
Heal emotional wounds: Real addresses the emotional scars many carry into relationships, whether it’s childhood trauma, past experiences, or ingrained patterns of behavior. He provides tools to help couples heal together, acknowledging that both partners must be committed to this process.
Create a new relational culture: US is not just about improving communication or fixing problems. It’s about creating a new relational dynamic—one where both partners are equally committed to the well-being of the relationship as a whole. Real speaks to the importance of emotional intelligence, honesty, and mutual respect in forging stronger connections.
Move past old roles and expectations: Real also emphasizes how societal expectations of gender roles often shape how we relate to one another. This book goes beyond the traditional view of men and women in relationships and advocates for more equality and understanding between partners.
Why US Matters
What sets US apart from other relationship books is Terry Real’s ability to blend theory with practical advice. His approach is not about offering quick fixes or unrealistic ideals but about fostering long-term, sustainable change. It’s a book about learning how to build a healthy and loving relationship from the ground up, even when the foundation may be shaky.
The principles of Relational Life Therapy are not just for couples in crisis but for anyone looking to deepen their emotional connection and develop a more fulfilling partnership. By addressing the complexities of emotional vulnerability, power dynamics, and mutual responsibility, US provides couples with a roadmap for creating more meaningful and resilient relationships.
Experience Relational Life Therapy with Arend Smith at Kelowna Trauma and Life Therapy
Terry Real's US serves as an invaluable guide to couples looking to deepen their emotional connection and build a more collaborative, loving relationship. If you’re inspired by the book’s principles and ready to take action, consider engaging in Relational Life Therapy with a skilled therapist who can guide you through the transformative process.
At Kelowna Trauma and Life Therapy, Arend Smith offers couples therapy based on the principles of Relational Life Therapy (RLT). Arend’s approach draws from Terry Real’s methods, focusing on emotional honesty, mutual responsibility, and healing from past emotional wounds. Whether you're navigating challenges in communication, struggling with emotional barriers, or wanting to create a more balanced, connected partnership, Arend can help you cultivate a healthier, stronger relationship.
Why Choose Arend Smith for Couples Therapy?
Relational Life Therapy Training: Arend has completed the first level of RLT certification training, equipping him with foundational skills and techniques to guide couples through transformative relationship work.
A Focus on Mutual Growth: Arend’s therapy style is rooted in the principles of mutuality and emotional vulnerability, which align with the approach Terry Real advocates in US.
Tailored Support for Your Relationship: Every relationship is unique. Arend offers personalized therapy sessions that address your specific needs and goals.
Create a Stronger, More Loving Connection: With RLT techniques, Arend can help you move past individual patterns and foster a shared, supportive partnership.
Ready to Strengthen Your Relationship?
If you’re ready to take the next step in building a healthier, more resilient relationship, reach out to Arend Smith at Kelowna Trauma and Life Therapy for couples therapy based on Relational Life Therapy. Book a consultation today and begin the journey toward a deeper, more connected “US.”
You don’t have to navigate relationship challenges alone—embrace the opportunity to heal, grow, and thrive together with the guidance of a skilled therapist. Take action today and transform your relationship for the better.
By integrating Relational Life Therapy principles and US into your life, you can foster stronger, more meaningful connections with your partner. Let Arend Smith help you create the loving partnership you’ve always wanted!
